Wufei On What He Never Mentioned
by DunkelBlau
Summary: The grand finale. It pains me to upload. i understand that there wasn't anything interesting in the plot ... it was all build up for the next story. Which, by the way, should try the nerves of conventional pairings in the GW world. Please, review!!!!
1. Uttoushii's Demand and Chinese Pilots

Uttoushii: Well, the day is here. I've finally done what was thought the impossible!  
  
MorningStar: What?  
  
Uttoushii: Yes, that's right. MorningStar is about to write a fanfic  
  
MorningStar: WHAT? Why wasn't I informed of this?  
  
Uttoushii: I thought you'd like a suprise. Anyway, I figured that she'd need some help, so I've taken it upon myself to invite our good friend Wufei to this nice fanfic.  
  
MorningStar: Christ, this is no longer in my hands...  
  
Uttoushii: *snaps fingers* Why, hello Wuchan!  
  
Wufei: Where the hell am I? And who's that onna? *points to MStar*  
  
Uttoushii: You're in MorningStar's imaginary writing space, complete with muse. She the newest author who's decided to torture you, that's who she is.  
  
Wufei: WHAT?  
  
MorningStar: Hey, don't blame me. It's mister Sarcastic and Depressing Vampire over there *points to Uttoushii*  
  
Wufei: *looks confused*  
  
MorningStar: Hey ... you look good when you're confused, Wufei.  
  
Uttoushii: *looking disgusted* Stop your mindless flirting, MorningStar, and get to writing. You should be getting an idea right about ... now.  
  
MorningStar: Hey, I just got an idea. I'm sorry Wufei, you're a great guy and all, but Uttoushii has given me an idea, and, well, I think you get it.  
  
Wufei: *nods* Alright, I get it. But you're still a baka onna.  
  
MorningStar: And you're still a kawaii ass hole.   
  
*they shake hands*  
  
Uttoushii: All right, all right. Get to writing, you. *whips MorningStar on back a few times"  
  
MorningStar: I'm writing, I'm writing!  
  
Uttoushii: Wufei, you'd better get settled. It's gonna be a long night.  
  
Wufei: *nods*  
  
Uttoushii: Oh yeah, and we don't own Wufei or any of the other Gundam pilots ... as much as MorningStar wishes she did. You should hear her thoughts. *shakes head* Naughty!  
  
*MorningStar sends her evil muse a death glare and hurries on with her writing*  
  
Uttoushii: Like the ones about Duo and Heero ... even the ones about Quatre! My, my my, 'Star. We need to wash that mind of yours! *imitates* Fla! Duo! Oh, Heero!  
  
MorningStar: Cut it out! Besides, I'm finished, so just give FanFiction.net this story and ask the readers to read and review.   
  
Uttoushii: Fine, fine. Well, here you go. Do as she says. Besides, I've got to go. I've got an appoinment with Duo to tell him about your dream last night. *A flash of light shines and then a large button with the word 'Next Page' appears*  
  
MorningStar: *blushing* Take the hint, and leave. I've got some *talking* to do with Wuchan anyway... 


	2. Chapter One Wufei Lets Go Of Justice

Wufei On What He Never Mentioned  
  
  
Wufei stood infront of his mirror doing moves with his katana. He'd been doing this since he'd first went into the bathroom when he'd gotten up that morning at eight. It was now nine thirty, and he showed no signs of stopping, or even slowing down. In fact, he was actually getting faster. He did the swinging movements faster by the minute until -  
  
"KUSO!" Wufei had heard that voice a million times, and somehow it was no suprise when he had a gun to his head half a minute later.  
  
"Omae o korosu," he had whispered very angrily into his ear. Though the other Gundam pilot had just threatened him with death, Wufei wasn't afraid in the slightest.   
  
"Duo, you just can't sound nearly as frightening as Heero," Wufei said calmly as he spun around, katana in hand, and quickly hurled the weapon down until it was just an inch above the braided boy's head, making him wince, "Don't act so weak, baka." And at that, he marched out of the bathroom, leaving behind a cringing Duo.  
  
"Damn, man, can't take a joke..," mumbled Duo, as he bounced off to go find Heero.  
  
Down in the kitchen Wufei was standing infront of the fridge drinking a glass of orange juice with a serene look on his face. 'Finally, it's quiet in the God forsaken house,' he thought. But his thoughts were quickly changed to 'What the hell?' when he heard shouts coming from the stairs and a gun shot go off. He ran to the stairs to see Duo and Heero in a tangle of limbs with a bullet hole over their heads. Heero had his usual scowl and Duo had a sheepish smile that read very plainly 'Ooops....'  
  
"What is going on here?" Wufei asked, though mentally he had already figured it out. Heero stood up and brushed himself off, then proceeded to explain exactly why he and Duo looked like they were trying to wrestle and failing at it.  
  
"What is going on here," Heero said, obviously cringing at the thought of what was going on there, "Is that this braided ahou stole my gun from my room, then proceeded to mock me. For this, he must die." In what looked like one swift movement, Heero snatched the gun from Duo's hands and pointed it at him, aiming right between the eyes. "Any last words?" He whispered, with an insane tone in his voice that rarely sneaked its way in there. All Duo could do was give him a puppydog face with tearing eyes.   
  
"Oh, please, Yuy. Put the damn gun down and get over it. It's just Duo. He enjoys tormenting you, you should be used to it by now. And, please, stop blowing things out of proportion," Wufei spat at the the two bitterly, conning Heero to lower his gun and place it back into the forbidden realms of his spandex.  
  
"Oh, I love you too, Heechan!" Duo squealed, kissing Heero on the cheek skipping off to the kitchen. Heero just stood there muttering 'yeah, yeah, yeah' over and over again. Having had enough of this repetition (Duo and Heero had a similar argument every morning that he could remember), Wufei made his way to the room in the safehouse where he did most of his katana practicing. The only other places where he practiced were where and when the mood struck him. He also meditated in there whenever life at the safehouse got too hectic or annoying for him - so that was every day that he could. Opening the door to "his" room, he put a sign on the other side of the door handle, which read very plainly -   
  
DO NOT COME IN HERE! I AM MEDITATING WITH MY KATANA BY MY SIDE, SO IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO BE HURT IN A VERY PAINFUL WAY, I SUGGEST THAT YOU DO NOT DISRUPT ME  
-Wufei  
  
The sign usually worked, not because it was intimidating but because once the sign was read you knew who was in the room. The punishment wasn't painful, it was boring - one of Wufei's infamous injustice lectures.   
  
After making sure that the sign was securely in place, he turned on the lights. Instead of finding only a mat in the center of the dimly lit room, he found something much less pleasant - to him atleast.  
  
"THIS IS AN INJUSTICE!" Wufei yelled loud enough for the two people inside to hear and recognize. Inside, Quatre was sitting in Trowa's lap and giggling as Trowa softly kissed his neck and chest. They had obviously been making out and since they were in their boxers they were going for more. Wufei had stepped in just as Quatre let out a small moan. The whole scene was just too much for him and he was already tense.   
  
"My room!" He said, while slapping his forehead, "This is too much for me ... I just can't take it anymore..." He spun around and retreated to his bedroom, locking the door behind him. Wufei burried his head in his pillow and began to cry. Tears streamed down his face for the first time in years. They stained his white pillow case and his white sheets, but he disregarded this. He focused only on how strange he felt. He'd been holding back for so long, and it felt so ... relieving to be letting go of his reputation, even if it was only for a little while. Just as he'd really gotten into his crying, there was a shy knock at his door. It was so light that he didn't even notice it until someone spoke.  
  
"Wufei? Wufei, I know you're in there. Can I please come in? Please?" The voice pleaded with him, sucking him back into his life and setting him back into his reputation as being "strong". He let the person knock a few more times before answering.  
  
"Why would you want to come in?" He asked cautiously so that he's have a chance to hear the person's voice again.  
  
"Because I, I could hear your crying and I want to be sure that you're all right," It answered. 'Damn' he thought, knowing that someone else knew that he'd let go. Sighing, he wiped his face and stood up. He stumbled over to the door, fighting his head rush. Wufei unlocked the door and motioned for the fellow Gundam pilot to come in.  
  
  
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Whether I let Uttoushii let me finish this depends solely on what you people have to say, so give me your feed back. Other wise, I'm dumping this project here and now.   
  
Uttoushii: Though it'd be humor didn't ya?  
  
I'm sorry if I mislead you by the beginning, but I was not only pressured into it *glares at evil muse* but I needed to get that out. Imagine! Me, being humorous for several chapters! 


	3. Chapter Two Confessions From The 'Strong...

Confessions From The "Strongest"   
  
"Sit down, won't you?" His voice still trembling from all the crying that he'd just done. The other boy nodded, and sat down on the edge of the bed. He looked embarrassed, knowing that he was partly at fault for Wufei's sudden show of feeling (other than pride). Wufei sat on the bed, too, but just far enough away so that he still looked like he had some of his dignity - even though he didn't *feel* like he had a drop left in his body.  
  
"What's wrong, Wufei? Don't tell me nothing, either, because you *know* damn well how I feel about lies," the pilot said gently, while stressing his intent at the same time.  
  
"God damn it, Quatre!" Wufei said very loudly, trying to sound pissed off that someone was showing that they cared about him. It didn't work though - it only made him cry again. This time, though, Quatre was in the room and within reach. The blonde scooted closer to him, cautiously, and placed an arm around his shoulders and whispered to him very gently "Shh. It'll be ok, I promise. Shh. What's wrong, 'Fei? Shh..." until he calmed enough to whisper back some.   
  
"I'm ... I ... I'm fine, Quatre. I *am* strong, so nothing is wrong with me," he whispered back in a broken-up sentence from his crying. The boy sitting next to him inwardly smiled. 'Strong as always, huh, Wufei? Well, you've let your guard down, finally. Just keep going...' he thought.  
  
"Wufei, I don't think that anyone has *ever* seen, let alone heard of, you crying. Just saying that you're strong makes it all the more obvious; you are *not* ok," Quatre said directly, yet still gently, trying his hardest not to get annoyed with Wufei in a time when he actually needed someone. 'As Duo would say, where's the camera?'  
  
"Yes I am! I swear to God I'm f-" He stopped only when he saw the look on his friend's face. He looked desperate, like he *wanted* Wufei to lean on him. Sighing, he realized that he'd better give in then, before his friend dished out the heavy artillery. He shuddered at the thought of Quatre's blue orbs taking on their puppy dog eye form. "Ok, ok. I'm not fine."  
  
"There. See? Admitting defeat isn't *that* bad, is it?" Quatre smiled at his joke, and felt a little happier when he saw Wufei's face lighten a little, "Now then, what's wrong? You've gotten this far, why not let me help you?"  
  
"I've just ... it's my wife, er, *former* wife," the boy said, tears over flowing in his eyes again. This time, though, they were much slower, more as a sign of relief than of stress and melancholy. He saw Quatre's face contract a little, showing concern.  
  
"What about her? You don't have to continue if you don't want to."  
  
"No, I'll keep going. Stopping now would be we-. I'll just keep going. I never really loved her, at least I don't think so, but I've been thinking about her, and how much I miss having someone around who tries to please you. Someone who kind of likes you. Someone who...." He stopped suddenly, staring off into space and blinking his eyes so as not to start crying again.  
  
"Someone who loves you," Quatre concluded warmly as Wufei nodded his agreement, blushing slightly.  
  
"Yes. Someone who ... uh ... "loves" me," He whispered softly under his breath.  
  
"Well, *I* can't do anything about that. But I'm glad you told me. Do you mind if I tell the others?"  
  
"Not really. I'd rather Maxwell not know, but you know him. He'll find out sooner or later," He said smugly. Quatre laughed, or more giggled, and saw that the black haired boy was trying not to do the same.  
  
"All right then. I don't know if I will, but if I do, I'll make sure Heero keeps him in check," Quatre said playfully, thinking of the many ways that Heero could keep Duo quiet. It didn't take him too long, however, because there *weren't* any. Giving Wufei one last tight hug, he stood up and walked to the door. "You can talk to me any time you need, ok?" It was more of a comment than a question. Wufei, who had walked him out of the small room, nodded. He stood there for a few second as Quatre walked down the hallway, going back down stairs.  
  
"Hurry, Quatre, Trowa's waiting!" He called after his friend, whom he could hear giggle and could have sworn that the red light from his cheeks was reflecting off the walls.   
  
"Wow, a sense of humor!" Quatre said to himself when he got out of Wufei's hearing range. He stopped at the door of Wufei's "room" and thought to himself 'Don't you worry, 'Fei, I'll help you, no matter what it takes...'  
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Hm, hope you like it so far. Oh yeah, disclaimer : I counted my pennies a few days ago, and I've noticed that I, in fact, *don't* own Gundam Wing. So there *sticks tounge out*.  
  
Oh, yes, incase you care, this is NOT following any particular time line. I find that too messy, plus, I'd probably screw something up, time wise. Anyway, read on, and give me your feed back. I need it.   
  
Thanks to Chrissy Sky and Tarnished Oversoul for being the ONLY two people to review my fanfic. I should pay you in great ammounts ... but I won't - I don't have the money. I mean, I'd give you you're own personal (insert favorite Gundam Wing bishonen here), but I don't own them, don't have the money, my muse is a jerk, and I want them for myself! Heh, but seriously thank you two! People should read your work and greatly praise it!   
  
Anyway, um ... if anyone has suggestions, or ideas, or whatever for this fan fic, feel free to email me at greyrainbow3@hotmail.com . Thank you (yes, you!) for reading this so far. 


	4. Chapter Three And The Others Will Know S...

...And The Others Will Know Soon Enough  
  
Wufei laid on his bed, a smile now replacing his frown. 'Somebody actually cares about me. Wow,' was the only thing flying through his head, and it wouldn't stop. He laid there smiling up at his ceiling, thinking over the conversation that he and Quatre just had. He was completely infatuated with the fact that one of his fellow pilots had just offered to help him in any way possible. Sitting up to look out his window, he saw the horizon getting pink and orange around the edges, announcing that night time was beginning to fall upon that part of the world. Wufei jumped up, realizing that he'd probably miss dinner if he didn't get downstairs soon. Just as he'd bounded out of his room, he heard a very loud voice and what sounded like a gong.  
  
"Dinner's ready, and Q-man cooked! Hurry up 'cuz I'm hungry!" Wufei smiled, and then quickly stopped, realizing that he was smiling at the thought of Duo standing there with a rather large grin on his face holding a big pot and spoon, the pot still vibrating from being hit so hard by the spoon. Shrugging, he made his way downstairs with a little more bounce in his step than usual.   
  
"Hello everyone!" He said once he got into the dining room, his voice slightly higher than usual, "Um, Quatre, can I sit between you and Heero? Thanks!"   
He bounced on over to the other side of the table, not noticing the other four pilots staring at him as though he were wearing a pink, lacey dress and singing opera. In fact, once he had sat down he didn't yell at them for gaping at him.  
  
"So, when do we eat?" Quatre, the ever polite host, quickly got himself together and put a smile back on his face.  
  
"Right now, Wufei!" He stood up as fast as he could without tipping the table over and was in the kitchen lightning quick. 'Who is at the table and what have they done with Wufei?' he thought to himself as he gathered the food and stacked it in his neat, secure little way, 'Just a few hours ago he was sobbing on my shoulder!' He replaced the worried look he had on with a cheerful one as soon as he got out of the door. He set down the bowls of food on the table a sat down, passing a glance at Wufei, who was still half smiling. "Dig in, everybody!" They all nodded and paused for a second before digging into the nearest bowl. Wufei immediately started looking for the rice. That's all he wanted, a bowl of rice. He spotted it on the other side of Heero's bowl. Not wanting to reach across the boys plate and wanting to keep his left arm, he decided to try his hand at being polite.   
  
"Hey, Heero, could you pass me the rice? Please?" Wufei asked, a small smile placed on his face to show that he meant well.  
  
"Hn. Here, Chang-san," He said, almost slamming the bowl of steaming rice down in front of Wufei. Heero was obviously still mad about earlier when he'd waisted a bullet through the ceiling and then missed the chance at taking his anger out on his boyfriend. 'Friggin sarcastic bastard'.  
  
"Please, just Wufei. There's no 'san' about it. Thank you, Heero," he said simply, dropping his head to get as much rice as possible into his mouth at once. He didn't notice that everyone at the table, *especially* Heero, was gaping at him again, and if he did, he didn't make it known. The rest of the dinner was eaten in silence - not even Duo dared to speak. Trowa, amazingly, was the first to break the silence. (A/N: ok, maybe not *break* the silence, just disturb it...).  
  
"Little one, I am going to finish working, but I'll come up and see you later..." he whispered to Quatre, who blushed at the name "Little One". He then leaned down and kissed Quatre on the forehead and said the words Wufei had hoped he wouldn't have to hear, especially to any person near him ... especially tonight. "I love you, Quatre." Wufei dropped his chopsticks very loudly into his bowl and slumped over. Again, for the third time that night, he gained the attention of everyone at the table. He scooted out from his spot and mechanically stood up and marched up stairs. No one dared to move and see what was up, they were all frozen, each pondering what would happen next. Within a mere minute and a half you could hear foots steps and keys jangling, coming down the stairs.   
  
"I'll be back when I feel like it, Duo, don't plan on going anywhere unless someone will drive you, bye," and he stomped out the door. As soon as the door slammed shut, everyone realized that they could move and sprinted outside to see if they could stop him. Who know when he'd be back if they didn't! Trowa, who had the longest legs, was the first outside and into the street. The others saw him stand in the road, head bowed in disappointment.  
  
"He's gone..." he whispered, and you could tell he was crying, "And it was my words that drove him to leave. There can be no disagreements to that - I was the last to say anything. Namely, the words that can hurt the most." At this, everyone was quiet. No one had any objections. Starting with Trowa and with everyone following, they all began to go back inside. About half way back Heero stopped and turned his head in the direction and strained his ears. Shaking his head, he kept on walking. 'Could have sworn I'd heard that old truck's engine. Hn.'  
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I know, I know, I got *no where* in this chapter. But think of it this way - it was a bridge chapter. You know, adding some info so that I have more to build on for the next chapter!  
  
I'd like to thank Tarnished Oversoul *again* for reviewing, as well as Silver Shinigami. Again the *only* people that reviewed. I don't know *why* I'm even bothering to update this. Oh well. Arigatou, you two! I really owe you, because I know that you two are the *only* people in all of Fanfiction.net (as well as the others that have reviewed previously) who like my fic. My do I feel special!  
  
I'm sorry for it taking so long to get this chapter up, but I've got zero inspiration. I haven't written in a month. I'm being sucked dry, damn it, sucked dry! I'll try to update more, I really will. (I'd promise, but I hate promises...) So start looking for more of my stuff up, if you appreciate the [wanna be] avant-garde ness of it all!  
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Think logically - would I *really* be writing something like this if I owned Gundam Wing or *any* anime for that matter? Hell no! I'd pay someone to do it for me. 


	5. Chapter Four Justice From The Other End

Justice From The Other End  
  
Wufei sped on ignoring the voices in his head. He felt horrible, about both walking out on his "friends" and about stealing Duo's truck. The scenario kept playing over and over in his head; Quatre asking him intently what was wrong, him thinking of something that wasn't too far off from the truth, him going along with it, Quatre believing him and telling him that he'd always be there for him. It was just ... too much happiness, and he hadn't felt happy in a very long time. Not since he'd been with Meiran. She was his match - always preaching about honor and justice. He had loved her, and still did, but his pride was too great to admit that he was weak ... in any sense of the word. Wiping away a tear, he drove into a parking lot and parked the car as close to the door of the building as posible. Locking the doors and putting his katana in the place where it was always kept, he began to walk in. He stopped half way and spun around on his heel - he'd left the car keys on the hood of the beaten up car. Glaring angrily at them as though *they* were the source of his problems, the boy picked them up, stalked into the lobby and slammed them down on the counter.  
  
"M...M...May I help you?"  
  
"Yes. I'd like a room as high up in this," he paused, and looked at the little stack of cards infront of him. When he looked up, the man at the counter, who must have been atleast twenty years older than the boy, wimpered. "In this, *Holiday Inn*. I'll be the only one in the room and I'll only be staying for one night."  
  
"Thank you, sir, if you'll just sign these papers and -"  
  
"Yes, I know, the fee is $35.50 a night. Here you go," and he slammed down fourty bucks down on the counter, making the man flinch and jump.  
  
"Th..Thank you Mr," he paused to look at the paper," John Smith. Your room number is 532E on the fifth floor. Have a nice stay.'  
  
"Oh, and one more thing you," Wufei narrowed his eyes for the last part of the sentence, " If an American boy with a braid, a scarry Japanese boy with a gun, a blonde Arabian, and a quiet, tall boy with a uni-bang walk in here, in that order, there is *no* Chang Wufei here. Or I *will* hurt you. Good night," and with that, he spund around on his heel and stalked over to the elevator.   
  
Once on the fifth floor, he wandered the hallways, trying to find his room. On the quest for room 532E, he found two other things before he found his room. The first was that he, Chang Wufei, regretted doing something for the second time in his life. The first thing he regretted was not telling Meiran that he loved her. This time, he regretted walking out on his fellow pilots and leaving them to wonder why. In all truth, they were some of the only people he'd ever trusted, and the only people he'd let, however slight, into his personal life and past.   
  
The second thing he found was more of an observation than a personal discovery. While looking out a window, he noticed four people get out of a nice red convertable. 'That car ... it look's just like ... it's ...'   
  
"Damn it!" he yelled, when he saw the second one to enter the building had a long braid trailing behind him. At that, he took off running, hoping he'd find his room before they went looking for him and found him first. 'If an American boy with a braid, a scarry Japanese boy with a gun, a blonde Arabian, and a quiet, tall boy with a uni-bang walk in here, in that order, there is *no* Chang Wufei here' And he stopped. 'I didn't describe them, did I? Shit, I did! And he bloody idiot at the front desk will *crumble* in the face of Heero's dear gun. Weakling.' Looking up, he saw that the room in front of him was room 535. Turning around, he saw room number 532. With a *humph* and a click, he opened the door, jumped in, and locked it behind him.   
  
"Now all I can do is wait, and they'll find me soon enough, and then they'll force me to come back to the house. They'll force me to talk and - no. Why am I worrying? I am a soldier, and I *will* survive this with *all* of my dignity intact." Falling back on the bed, he closed his eyes. Slowly, he took his tanktop off and to accustom himself to cold air of the room. 'Hmph. The air conditioning on in the autumn. Idiots.' But Wufei had little time to ponder such things, as just as he had his tanktop fully off, he was jolted up by a knock at the door.  
  
"Open up! It's the police! Come out with your weapons surrendered and your hands in the air!" 'Huh? Why are the police here?' He waited about a minute before he answered their call.  
  
"Why are you here? I have done nothing wrong."  
  
"The man at the front desk called us because of your death threat. Now, open your door before we have to open it ourselves." 'Not again. This is *not* my day for living on this god forsaken planet'  
  
"Whatever you say, but I will *not* give up my katana! I don't care what you do to me, the katana stays by my side."  
  
"Sir, all we ask is that you *hand* your weapon to us and come out with your hands up. We will return it to you as soon as you're let out of the jail cell. Now please..." 'I give up! I'd better just go before they come in here and bother me some more!' With a loud sigh, he walked up to the door, un-did the chain lock and padlock and slowly opened the door with his foot. His hands were out, surrendering his prized katana and his head was down to show that he was shamed. Looking up, he dropped the sword and forgot all about his shame. His cheeks flushed red with anger and all he could spit out was:  
  
"WHAT?"  
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Whoo! Thank you Chang Meiling, Mara Jade, and Tarnished Oversoul (again ^_^) for reviewing! You guy help, a LOT. In the long run, it's all written for those that read, because, otherwise, what other relevence is there in *writing* a fan fic! I'm sorry I'm stalling so much on the plot, but it will all come together in time! I finally thought of where I'm going with this, so, yay! In the mean time, I'm working on three different short stories, but I think the first to go up will be called "Jessi Is A Pothead". It's some pretty heavy stuff, about druggies, killings, and 'tainted love'. Yup, good themes, huh? Here's a preview...-  
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Music filtered in my right ear and out the other, Metallica, I think ... I don't quite remember what kind it was or who was around me. The only thing that I *can* remember is that I was at a large party sitting on someone's couch with a plastic cup full of Pepsi and two ice cubes. Oh yeah, and Jessi Campton. I remember Jessi Campton standing infront of me in her fashionably torn bell bottoms (she tore them herself) and the tie-die shirt with the skull with the jester's hat on it. The shirt was glowing in the black light and her hair was dyed purple and was in cornrows ... only it looked a funky blue (the black light again). She was perfectly angelic standing there infront of me ... except for one problem. She was flirting with my best friend, Jake Stanford, who knew damn well I was standing, er, *sitting* right infront of them. He was also aware of the fact that I had a crush on her.   
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So there! In your reviews this time, tell me what you think of the beginning of that. Thanks! 


	6. Chapter Five A Breakthrough

A Breakthrough  
  
Four loud, booming laughters could be heard echoing down the hall way. There were four people in the hall way, but Wufei could have *sworn* that he could heave a fifth laugh coming from the other end. It sounded feminine, too, and he was having the strangest sense of de já vu. He turned his attention from the end of the hall way back to the front of him, where a scary Japanese boy {1}, an American with a long braid, a tall, quiet (but at the moment very loud) boy with singular bang, and a blonde, blue eyed Arabian (in that order) were crying from laughing so hard. In fact, the American was on the floor.   
  
"Hn. the *baka* actually came out. Never though he'd actually fall for it," the slender Japanese boy mumbled loud enough only for Wufei to hear as he lowered his gun, "Didn't you recognize my voice?" All Wufei could do was send Heero *his* version of the death glare.   
  
"Couldn't you ... *gasp*....hear us gi-.... *gasp* .... giggling?" Duo questioned in fragments, in between gasps from his laughing. Once again, Wufei gave his best death glare to the so -called 'braided baka', immediately shutting him up.  
  
"I'll just go get my ..... hm," was all that he could get out before he disappeared into the hotel room. Once inside he made sure the door was closed all the way before sinking down and sobbing into his hands. 'Why did they have to come look for me? They ruined all chances of me getting away, or better...'  
  
On the other side of the door, Quatre was explaining exactly what as going on with their close friend and fellow pilot.   
  
"He's just lacking in love and, apparently, it's been bothering him for sometime," Quatre explained in brief. Everyone had a look of pure surprise on their faces, except for Duo. He looked hurt.  
  
"Whaddya mean, lacking in love? We love him and all that shit, don't we? I mean, I know I sound like a ditz when I say it, and sure we annoy him constantly, but doesn't he know we care?" He looked up at everyone from his spot on the tacky hotel rug, confusion showing brilliantly in his eyes. The blonde one knelt down next to where Duo was sitting and sighed slowly.  
  
"He knows, Duo. It's just ... he wants a different kind of love ... " Quatre added one of his warm smiles to show that he knew how Duo felt, "Duo, he doesn't hate you, not matter what he says. He needs you, and the rest of us." Then, giving him a tight hug, he stood up to knock on the door.  
  
"Shen me?{2}" 'Gods, what do they want *now?*' Quatre stepped back from the door.  
"What's wrong, Kit-Quat {3}?"Duo asked when he saw the look of confusion written on his friends face.  
  
"He, he said something, in Mandarin I think, and I don't think that's a good sign. Um, any of you know Chinese?" Sighing, Heero got up from where he was sitting next to his boyfriend and cursed softly in his own native tongue.  
  
"I know very little in the language, but I'll talk him out of there. Besides, even if it doesn't work, he *has* to come out for food or something." He walked over to the door and, much to the annoyance of Trowa, picked Quatre up by the waist and moved him out of the way. Then, he knocked sharply on the door three times.  
  
"Shen me? Shen me xian zai?{4}" 'I can't go out there, if I go out there, I'll have to hear her laugh again. I can't do that ... I can't handle that.'  
  
"Chang! Get out here. You know damn well I know what that means, and speaking in Mandarin won't help you any - all you're going to do is say simple words. Words that *I* know."  
  
"H ... He ... Heero, please," you could hear his voice cracking from tears, "I don't want to go home." Heero's face immediately softened upon hearing the first two words out of Wufei's mouth. The other pilots saw it, and their look on their faces looked even *more* surprised.   
  
"Wufei, Wufei," His voice had softened, too, "Please, come out of there. I know how you feel. You think that if you show your emotion, if you're not always in control, you'll be weak. But it's not true, 'Fei, it's not true. Look how I am with Duo. Gentle most of the time. I love him. And we all love you. So, please, come out and we'll help ........ you." Had the pilots been looking at him instead of listening to his voice, they would have seen the two tears that managed to escape from his eyes. Slowly, the boy backed off from the door about four feet and waited. He didn't have to wait long. About a minute later, the Chinese boy stumbled out of the room and fell into Heero's arm, crying once again. Heero didn't call him weak like he had expected. No, he didn't call him stupid, annoying, or tell him to go away. He didn't even threaten to kill him.   
  
"Shh," he whispered into Wufei's ear," It will all be ok again in time. I'm sorry about earlier, I was having a bad day. Come to my room when we get home, and tell me what's wrong. I won't say a word to anyone. Just calm down." Wufei looked up to Heero with a look of confusion on, and Heero nodded as if to say 'yes, I really did just say that to you.' He gave the boy some room and walked over to Duo, wrapping his arms around him. There was a long silence of everyone looking at everyone looking around at the ceiling and the floor, but avoiding the eyes of Heero and Wufei, who seemed to be speaking to each other with their own eyes. Again Trowa was the first to disturb {5} the silence.  
  
"Look, I think we're all tired. Why don't we get the hell out of here. Besides, I think Wufei would like to lay down in a place with better carpeting and nicer service." Wufei allowed a small smile and a little laugh. 'Trowa? Making jokes? Wow, I should run off more often...'   
  
In the car on the way home, something occurred to Wufei that he hadn't considered before.  
  
"Um, Heero?"  
  
"Hai?"  
  
"Did that man at the front desk really call the police?" From the back seat of the convertible, Wufei could hear a husky laugh.  
  
"Yes, and they got here before us, but we told them that the guy they were looking for just left on the next shuttle for L3."  
  
"Who were they looking for?" He heard another husky laugh, this time joined by a higher laugh that was more like a giggle coming from the driver.  
  
"A man who was going under the alias of Chang Wufei. His real name is John Smith." Wufei couldn't help but laugh. 'Who in their right mind is *that* stupid?' Heero spun around to look at Wufei, who was letting himself laugh - shoulders shaking, head tilted back. He sent an amused smirk to Quatre, who gave him a small smile back. 'If only Duo were here, and not driving his truck home, he'd be laughing just from thinking about Wufei laughing.' Heero turned back around in his seat and leaned back, his eyes closed. He had a big Duo-like grin on his face, and it scared Wufei out of his laughing before he shook it off and calmed down some. Leaning forward, Trowa whispered into Heero's ear:  
  
"Wow, the perfect soldier is smiling. What could you possibly be thinking about that would make you so damn happy?" Heero slowly turned around and put his nose to Trowa's and put on an impish, evil smirk on his otherwise blank face.  
  
"The God of Death. I think he's trying to kill me - he's stolen my heart." He spun back around and left Trowa to slowly sit back and pretend he heard nothing.  
  
When everyone got home, Wufei was the last one inside. He slowly walked upstairs and knocked lightly on Heero's door. No one said anything, so he leaned against the door in an attempt to listen to what was going on inside. Silence. He turned to go to his room and talk to the boy tomorrow, but bumped into something kind of hard. Looking up, he saw Heero with one eye brow cocked.  
  
"Where did you go?"  
  
"What's the matter, 'Fei, never heard of a bathroom break before?" At that, he pushed past his friend and signaled that he could come in with out getting killed. Sighing, Wufei took a deep breath and stepped inside.  
  
"So, Heero, what did you want to talk about?"  
  
"Quatre." Wufei gulped.  
  
"Anything else?"  
  
"Hm ... oh! And Quatre." Wufei swallowed a blush and sighed again. It was going to be long conversation. One he wasn't getting out of.   
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Footnotes:  
1- As Chang Meiling so truthfully put: 'I don't find him that scarry' ^_^  
2- I do believe this means 'What?' in Mandarin. I could be wrong. Please, correct me if I'm wrong on *any* of my Mandarin usage.  
3- Hey! I thought the name was *very* cute! Don't make fun of me!  
4- 'What? What now?'  
5- It's a referrence to an author note I made in chapter three. Don't remember? Go check it out!  
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Well, well, well! You all *do* like me! Hm, I went from 7 review to *11* review! Woo! That's the most out of *any* of my stuff! I feel very much loved. Let's see here ... thank you to:   
Mara Jade, Lacey-koi (ha ha! now you can't torture me - I uploaded it at 9:32 on Easter!), Chang Meiling (again!), and 'Ness'. I'll get he next chapter up as soon as I can. Keep reviewing!.  
  
Oh, yes, I've forgotten. If some of you have been hearing rumors about this being an arch ... then I need to sew Lacey-koi's lips shut. Don't know what I'm talking about? Good. Because there aren't any. I'm not *that* well known. Heh. But, yes, I'm going to make this an arch ... called 'Alienus Fatum'. It's Latin. Look it up yourself. 


	7. Chapter Six Where Love Goes Just When Yo...

Where Love Goes Just When You Think It's Dead  
  
"What about Quatre?" 'I can't blush. I can't blush. I can't blush...'  
  
"He told us about your, um, love problem," Heero said this very slowly, watching Wufei's face to see how it would change. Oddly enough (to him) it relaxed a bit. 'Hn. Of all the reactions - I thought his face would get *more* tense.'  
  
"Oh ... well, I'm not really surprised. I said he could ... so what do you want to say?" 'Shit! I've got to think of a good reason to leave before he pries...' "And hurry it up, because I've got some work to do."  
  
"I ... I just wanted to say that I'm here for you if you need me to be. You know, a shoulder every once in a while. Just don't tell anyone I said that." He tried to send Wufei his trademark death glare, but the Chinese boy saw right through it. It was in his beautiful midnight eyes - they were too soft. Too caring to show he meant death. But the boy nodded in a serious manner anyway. 'It's better *not* to let him know he doesn't look scarry ... I'd hate for him to think he's going soft.'   
  
"Um ... thank you Heero. I know that, as much as you really don't want to show it, you're just as cheesy as Duo. Thanks for you're, um, words of encouragement. They actually kind of helped me." Wufei leaned over to give his friend a hug, but decided against it. He settled for an pat on the other boy's shoulder. Sighing, he stood up and walked, quickly, to the door. Just as he was about to step out of the room, Heero called after him as though he'd forgotten to say something. 'Damn, he's talking a lot. It looks like Heero, but why does it talk like Duo?'  
  
"Oh, yeah, and Wufei?"  
  
"Hm?" 'What's that look on his face? Is that ... *amusement*?'  
  
"I know about Quatre," pausing, he winked and gave a ghost of a smirk before finishing his sentence, "But don't worry. It isn't obvious." Upon finishing the sentence, he pulled his laptop out from under his bed and began typing on it in the largest font "YOU CAN GO AWAY NOW 'FEI". Sighing, the Chinese boy took the hint and made his way to the room at the end of the hallway - his bedroom. He flopped down on his bed and laid down, staring at the shadows dancing across the ceiling. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep, his clothes and shoes still on.  
  
[1]When he opened his eyes, he was sitting below a tree on a hill over looking a garden with a clear pond in the center. He stood up and stretched, deciding to go over to the garden. 'This all seems so familiar ... so right. But why? I've never been here before ... have I?' He wandered through the garden - which was mainly roses - mostly blue, white, red and black. Wufei leaned over to pick an exceptionally large black one, when it pricked him, causing but one drop of blood to drop onto the petals. He changed his mind and reached for the small red one beside it. Stangely enough, it was smooth and, when he put the flower up to his nose to smell it, he noticed his hand was completely healed. Shrugging and repressing the urge to smile, and turned down the fork in the path to the right. The path was of gravel and it led straight to the pond in the center. Around the pond were dragon snaps and, when one squinted, goldfish could be seen swimming around. The boy was comepletely mesmerized by the goldfish. Almost as though, if he stared at them hard enough, they could tell give him all the answers that he'd been craving so badly lately.  
  
"Wufei ... ?" He spun around immediately and almost fell over from surprise of who stood there infront of him.  
  
"M ... Meiran?" The girl nodded. She had her hair up in a bun and was wearing a black and red robe that was purposely too long so that it trailed behind her. It was silk, with gold dragons embroidered onto the red sash. A red rose was tucked into her bun and on her face, she wore a smile that only a person in love could wear. Wufei didn't notice. She slowly walked towards him and gave him a hug, whispering in his ear:  
  
"I missed you, Wufei, so much ... so much ..." Slowly, Wufei wrapped his arms around the girl to return his affections, though still very confused.  
  
"I ... I missed you too, Mei'." He pryed her off of him to look at her eyes, which at the moment were streaming tears. 'Crying? She's crying? Is that considered being weak? Do I love a weak woman? Is love weak?' Gazing into her eyes for a few more seconds, he wiped the tears off her face gently and pulled her into a passionate kiss of battling tounges and thoughts racing. When he finally pulled back, he saw the one thing he imagined that he'd never see again - Meiran was smiling. She latched onto him again, burying her head into his tank-topped chest. Leaning down, he rested his head on hers.  
  
"I love you. I've loved you for so long ... but I couldn't let it out. I couldn't be weak. And then my time ran short and my pride won over. I'm just so bitter now..." She looked up at him and sighed, her eyes wide.  
  
"I love you too, 'Fei-chan. In fact, that's why you're here." She let go of him and took a few steps back, "You're not dead, and this isn't heaven. It's just a place I thought was beautiful ... somewhere that reminds me of you." Reaching up, she caressed his face briefly, before letting her arm limply fall and continuing on with her explaination. "When I died, I found out everything about my life. I was aloud to relive moments of my life, knowing thoughts and outcomes of scenarios. It all ... it all hurt so much [2]. I just ... wanted to give you one last chance to live a moment with me." She bowed her head, letting a few tears drip of her face and onto the path ... almost like rain and equally as melancholy. Taking a deep breath, she wiped her face and regained her composure. She took his hands in hers and looked him square in the eye. "Wufei, as much as you loved me and have for so long, you need to let go. I don't know where you're going when you die and you've got to admit it - it hurts. Love hurts, koi, it really does, but you need to get over it. Find others, there will always be others. Just remember, and never forget it, I love you." Slowly, she let go of his hands and walked to the pond. Walking out to the center, she waved goodbye and blew a kiss, before melting into the water.  
  
Wufei's eyes opened and he looked over at the clock.  
  
"Hmph. Three thirty-six." Gazing out his window, he saw the moon, glowing almost holy-like with a blue halo around it. He layed back down, looking at the shadows dancing almost magic-like across his ceiling.   
  
"Get over it, Wufei, it was only a dream," He said, before turning over on his side and pulling the blankets up over his head. Reaching back to pull his short pony tail out, his hands stumbled upon something long and prickly. Pulling it out, it was a small red rose.  
  
"No," he whispered, his voice cracking from the tears that were covering his face as though trying to smother him with salt water drops,"No..."  
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1 - Symbolism Alert! Symbolism Alert! This is NOT a test! This is NOT a test! The entire dream and the rose when he wakes up are *all* symbolism. Everything. You name it, it means something.  
  
2 - This is a referrence to the last act in a play by Thorton Wilder called "Our Town". Great play - really gives meaning to the phrase 'in the great sceme of things'. Haven't read it? I suggest you should.  
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19 whole reviews? For me? WOW! I'm completely amazed. I almost had a heart attack, seriously! I litterally fell out of my chair laughing from being *so* flattered. Even if Lisa *didn't* read and review like she promised *sticks tounge out in spite*. Anyway, I've people to thank! Big hugs and kisses and thank you's and all that good stuff to: Shadow (twice!), Chang Meiling (for the *third* time!), Mara Jade (again!!), 'Ness' (yay!), Lacey-koi (thanks for the fic, by the way ^_^!), and Summer. I love you all! Keep on reviewing!  
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Oh ... and by the way ... if you like this ... you might also like my original stuff, of which I have a lot of, so check that out, why don't you?  
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Also, I realize that most of the characters are *WAY* OOC, but I think that's the beauty of this fic. No one is *that* cold, or *that*pissy, or *that* nice every second of the day. If they were real people, they'd have emotions too, and I want them to seem that way. Wufei is obviously a "tortured soul", if you will, and I want to play that up. Heero's coldness is obviously a front - if he was trained to lie, he was trained to act. I think that as he realizes that Wufei is just as human as he is, that he'll let up - that's what I meant by the last chapter. So if you think everyone seems OOC most of the time, there *is* a reason for that. Thank you. 


	8. Chapter Seven If Only Air Weren't So Thi...

For Lacey-koi. There! I updated! Happy now?  
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If Only Air Weren't So Thick  
  
Wufei didn't get up until noon that day - the only other person not up at nine was Duo. The other pilots swore to God that he was dead, that Heero had killed him when he was talking to him last night. The only other person, excluding Heero and Wufei, that originally knew about the two talking in Heero's room was Duo. So, naturally, everyone in the house knew. And the only reason the braided one (A/N: couldn't resist!) knew was because he had his ear to the door the *entire* time, which meant that everyone in the household also knew what their conversation was about ... excluding the last few sentences. He'd have known those, too, had he not had to run when he heard the door begin to open. There were two things of his he didn't want to loose - his neck and, most importantly, his braid.   
  
Wufei slowly allowed his eyelids to lift, and sat up to stretch and begin his morning routine of meditation and, when he thought it fit, an hour or two of training. Seeing it was all ready light outside, he assumed it was only seven and that he'd only missed two hours of his meditation. He leaned over to where his clock was, to see when to ask Trowa to come get him from his meditation, when he almost screamed in fury. It was noon - he'd overslept by *seven* hours. Falling back on the bed, he let out a long sigh and whispered to himself-  
  
"What is wrong with me? First that dream and now my alarm clock not going off? What the hell?" He was just about to fall back asleep when a loud scream rang through the air.  
  
"KISAMA!" Foot steps pounded up the stairs.  
  
"Guys, please, don't hurt him too much...!" The voice was soft and pleading.  
  
"Right, just sew his mouth shut. But then he'd porbably learn to speak telepathicly or through his-" This voice was softer than the rest.  
  
"Mochi ... I mean, *don't* -even- finish that sentence, Kamoku no Baka!" 'The first voice again...' Wufei sat up straight in his bed. The voices were right outside his door. He reached under his bed and pulled out his katana, aiming at the dead center of the door. After a moment or two, when he could still hear them whispering but could not make out what they were saying, he went to the door and held the katana over his head, ready to strike.   
  
"One ... two ... three!" The door swung open and he found a gun at his head. He sighed, and lowered his katana, moving the gun out of his face.  
  
"Heero," he sighed, "What the hell are you doing standing outside my room at twelve - o - five with a loaded gun, a clown armed with his sister's throwing knives, and a worried little Arabian boy with a pot in his hand?" It took most of his strength to keep himself from dieing of laughter. There was Heero, dressed as he always was. Trowa, on the other hand, had a cheap, rubber clown mask on and had three of his "sister" Cathrine's throwing knives. Poor little Quatre, who the look of a puppy who had just been kicked, had a collander on his head and a big soup pot in his right hand.   
  
"We are on a hunt to kill the "mighty" Shinigami, who was running his mouth as always until we threatened to hurt him in ways unimaginable. He oh - so - 'gallantly' sprinted off when we began to describe how we were going to chop his braid off," an evil, not to mention unnatural, grin spread across the Japanese boy's face, "We decided to search this room first - as the gossip *was* about you."  
  
"About me?" Wufei was completely puzzled. He held few secrets, and those he *did* hold, no one knew, and never would.  
  
"About our little conversation last night." 'That explains the 'kisama' I heard a minute ago...' Sighing again, he opened the door all the way and ushered them in.  
  
"What a pack of rouges..." He muttered rolling his eyes. They scanned the small room looking for hints that a God of Death was anywhere in the room.   
  
"Hm ... where is he?" Heero asked himself, his sniper eyes whipping around the room. He got his answer quickly. From the closet, he heard a sneeze and a very soft "Shit!". Motioning to the closet, all four pilots, each with their own game-face on, tiptoed toward the doors of the closet.   
  
"One ...... Two ........ Three ....!" Wufei mouthed, signaling for Quatre to open the right door. And there he was, curled up in the corner, a blanket pulled over his head.   
  
"Well, well, well!" Trowa said, an evil glint in his eye. He began to raise a hand to aim a knife between Duo's eye, when the American boy jumped up and ran out.  
  
"Try to find me again ... because I run, I hide, but I nev-" He had gotten too far away to hear the rest. Trowa and Heero made a move for the door, but found that they couldn't move. Upon turning around, they found that Wufei and Quatre had their shirts and didn't look like they'd give them up easily. Wufei let go of Heero's, and said very clearly-  
  
"Go find him if you want, I don't care, just don't hurt him. You love him, that would be wrong." Quatre, in turn, let Trowa go. Except all he had to do was give him the abused puppy look (that's one level up from the 'sad puppy' look and he knew that the boy wouldn't try anything. Then he turned to Wufei.  
  
"Are you ok? You defended *Duo* and slept so late today, and ... " Quatre stopped mid sentence and found himself edging far too close to Wufei's face. Blushing, he quickly pulled his head back before he did something rash and stepped back a few feet, "Um, I mean, um, I'll talk to you later." And he ran out. Wufei, who felt anything but good at the moment, bowed his head and dropped back onto his bed.   
  
"Why didn't I just trust my instincts? Why?" He fell backwards and picked up the rose from it's place on the bed side table next to its bed. When he smelled it, his dream of Meiran came back to him. He allowed a few tears to fell before wiping his face and clutching the rose to his chest. Amazingly, it didn't prick him, despite the fact that it had thorns. "I'm trying Meiran ... I'm trying as hard as I can." At that, he stood up and wiped his face again. Closing the door behind him, he had only one thing on his mind. 'I must find a vase! That's all I need, a vase!'  
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22 reviews! Yippee! I *never* thought I'd get this many! Thanks to:  
Mara Jade, Chang-Meiling, and (who would have guessed) Lacey-koi! Thanks a billion or so, to those of you that have a 121,345th sense (heh!). Don't ask. Anyway, I'll try to update soon, but I'm *loaded* with shit from school. and I HATE IT!!!!! *takes deep breath* Calm ... like the ocean, 'Star, like the ocean! Anyway, until the next time I update, keep reading my stuff and reviewing it! 


	9. Chapter Eight A denial said the heart A...

"A denial," said the heart. "Agreed," said the soul.  
  
It took him three hours and five minutes, mounds of dust, and a key to the attic, but he finally found it. It really *was* a beautiful vase ... crystal with barely noticeable hand detailing of intricate, carefully placed designs. Quatre had said that it was Arab made ... that he'd found it in one of those cliché little markets. Then he paused, as if remembering something. Whatever he had been remembering was obviously paining him, by the look of mourn on his face, so Wufei backed off slowly, heading back to his room. One he was there, he carefully placed the rose in the vase and ran to the bathroom to put some water in there. 'This rose can *not* die. It's my last hope for love with Meiran!' He put the vase down on this bedside table next to his alarm clock. When he backed up to see how the rose looked there on the table, he fell over.   
  
"Shit!" he yelled, rubbing his back where it felt like someone had kicked him. Turning around, an opaque Meiran was standing there, looking slightly pissed off.  
  
"Wufei, know that I'm *always* watching and listening to you. I heard that comment you thought a second ago, and listen to me," She knelt down and lifted his chin so that his face was level with hers, "You *need* to move on. I saw that between you and Quatre today. Just go with your gut feeling - everything will turn out ok in the end. But the only way for there to even *be* an end of it all is if you move on with your life!" She gave him a hug and stood up, "I'll see you again soon, I'm sure." Then she faded away.  
  
"Whoa, Wu-man, what was big "bump!" I heard a minute ago?" There was Duo, standing there with a half amused, half worried look on his face.  
  
"I ... just lost my balance ..." Wufei said slowly, so as to not blurt anything out that he wouldn't want the whole household, including servants, to know.   
  
"Oh. Well, you'd better find it again quick, cause Quatre told me to come get you because *he* found something that he thought you should see."  
  
"What did he find?" This interested Wufei immensely - nothing was ever just *found* in the house. He searched his friend's eyes to see if he were hiding something, but the boy saw nothing. Dusting himself off, he stood up and followed Duo down the hall, which he was already half way down. He turned the corner around the stairs and followed Duo's footsteps to "his" room. Inside, there was a puzzled looking Quatre holding something small in his hands.   
  
"Quatre ...? What do you have in your hands?" The blonde, as though sucked from another world, flicked his head up and gave Wufei a quizzical look.  
  
"I found this," He said quietly, almost in a whisper, and extended his arms. In his hands was what looked like a hand crafted glass rose, perfectly clear. No bubbles in it what so ever. The puzzling thing was that the stem and leaves *couldn't* have been glass by the way they looked - they were too ... solid. Motioning for Wufei to take it, he gave a thoughtful glance to the Chinese boy's face, which was obviously amazed by the creation. He took it in his hands, only holding very gently and eyeing it with a reminiscent look on his face.  
  
"Is it glass?" The boy slowly moved his head upwards to look Quatre in the face.  
  
"See for yourself. Don't worry, it won't break as long as you're gentle with it." 'He looks like a little boy like that - amazed at everything. He's so cute ... so vulnerable.'  
  
"Wow ..." Wufei's voice brought Quatre back to Earth.  
  
"Hm?" Quatre mumbled, looking directly at Wufei, who looked utterly amazed.  
  
"The rose ... it's ... *real*!" Wufei whispered, looking up at Quatre with wide eyes. 'What's up with him today? He looks ... *dreamy* ... and he's not even looking at Trowa...'  
  
"Yes, it is. It was just laying in the center of your training mat. It's not as though anyone could have gotten into this house unnoticed. Know where it came from, ''Fei?"   
  
"No," he said slowly, "I have no idea where it came from, Quatre." 'Hm ... I wonder'. He may have claimed ignorance, but somewhere in the back of his head he heard a familiar feminine giggle. He looked up at his friend, who, strangely, was still staring at him with that dreamy look on his face.   
  
"Keep it," Quatre said softly, more softly than usual, "I have no use for it." As anyone knows, people often speak to each other in hidden meanings. A depressed person might say 'go away' but means 'hold me'. By saying 'I have no use for it' he meant 'take it ... because you can't take me.'   
  
"Thank you, Quatre. It's so ... beautiful." He walked the few steps that separated them and hugged his friend tightly, careful not to squish the flower. Then he walked out of the room, a little more bounce in his step than usual.  
  
"What's wrong with me?" Quatre asked himself once the other boy was far out of the room, "I love Trowa, damn it, *Trowa*!" He threw himself to the ground and let a few tears drip out of his eyes, and as though a dam broke that was holding the salty drops of feeling back in his normally bright eyes, a rive of tears began to flow out of his orbs. He simply sat there, like a child lost in the grocery store who can't find his mother. Slowly, he stopped himself from crying, and sat up. He pulled a handkerchief out of his back pocket and wiped his face dry. 'No one needs to know,' he though to himself as he strode out of the room.   
  
When he saw Trowa sitting on the couch, reading, in the living room, he tried to sneak past and up to him room. Conveniently, Trowa chose the moment he made it half way in the room to look up from his book. Smiling, he stood up and walked over to his boyfriend. He intertwined his fingers around the blonde's and gazed into the blonde's blue eyes. As though he'd seen something that he wish he hadn't of, he suddenly dropped Quatre's hand and walked up stairs, a very disappointed look on his face. He slammed the door to his room, sending out a message to both Quatre and the other pilots. Sure, the pilots knew he was angry about something, but Quatre's message was more complex than that. It quite clearly read - 'What have I done?'  
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Ah, another day another dollar, err, *chapter*. I know these chapters are short, but you know what? I suck at writing long chapters, so you'll just have to live with it if you want this story to stay at least kind of decent. I'm sorry that this story is going nowhere, but I promise (and I *never* make promises) that it will progress in the next chapter!  
Anyway, here are my thank you's for this chapter: Chang Meiling (thank you, for, like, the *billionth* time), Mara Jade (you don't quite reading, do you? Heh, thanks!), Gundam Ckic 2003 (Woo! Thanks for reviewing, Jazz! Keep reading! And keep showing me GW Pix on the bus .. it wakes a girl up after a long day of torture at school!), Lacey-Koi (Yes, you got a chapter ^_^!), and Tarnished Oversoul (Wow, it's been a while. Thanks for the suggestion on that story title - I'll probably stick with it's other title of "It's Too Bad").  
Thank a million and one, you guys! You help a lot, what with all your positive reviews and all! Even if Lisa (you *know* who you are) hasn't reviewed yet...  
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Oh yes. Look, if you people *really* want me to update, you'll help me out here . I *need* a beta reader for my fic and, maybe, a short story or two. PLEASE! Pay your best friend, get me the pope, do it yourself, hell - get me Kurt Vonnegut - I don't mind. I just need one, what with school and my life and all. Just email me and I'll *gladly* give you the job. Please!   
Ok ... enough of my gravelling. Remember, my email is *always* opened to suggestions and comments - so write me anytime at greyrainbow3@hotmail.com Until next update -MourningMorte (formerly MorningStar) 


	10. Chapter Nine Secrets Begin To Unfold As ...

Secrets Begin To Unfold (As Old Flowers Do)  
  
Quatre pulled himself over to the couch and slumped over. Leaning his head back and closing his eyes, he sighed. 'Why must I be in this position! Trowa is my best friend ... and I love him, right? Right. But then there's Wufei ... *God* then there's Wufei...' He moaned in annoyance and opened his eyes. He let himself fall over on his side and he closed his eyes again. After about ten minutes, when he was almost asleep, an idea struck him.  
  
"I've got it!" He yelled, jerking stright up and onto his feet.  
  
"Me too!" Yelled Duo from the other room, "And whatever it is, it involves your mouth and duct tape! Shut up, I'm trying to put a model together [1]!" Rolling his eyes, Quatre began to walk up the stairs and knocked on the first door down the hall.  
  
"Um ... T ... Tro ... wa? Trowa?" Quatre called into the room. His only response was a loud grunt, "Can ... I come in?" He heard a muffled 'si' and slowly opened the door. Inside, he found Trowa sitting in an upright fetal position reading a book. Glancing at the title, he noticed that it was in Spanish. "So, what are you reading, Tro'?" The blonde boy asked, trying to make some conversation. He'd been in the room a few minutes, and the silence was already killing him.  
  
"I doubt it's anything you've read, but I guess I wouldn't know. It's 'One Hundred Years In Solitude'[2] in the original Spanish," Quatre hoped that wasn't a hint, "It's a really good book." The boy just nodded his head and kept his mouth shut. 'Better to keep quiet than to start something, I guess'. The silence kept up for a few more minutes - Trowa kept reading his book, and Quatre keept staring at the floor and standing in the door way. Trowa eventually looked up over his thick book and stared at his boyfriend drawing cirlces in the carpet.  
  
"Por qué? I mean ... why are you in here, love?" Quatre flinched at the name love. He was *never* called love. It was always 'Little one' or 'Quat' or some other cute name Trowa had made up. Never 'love' ... in english anyway.   
  
"I came in here to, uh, talk to you about something." Trowa made his eyes brows[3] raise in surprise. He laid his book down and sat up some, patting the end of the bed to signal Quatre to sit down. He then folded his hands in his lap and sighed.  
  
"Well then I guess we should commence the talking, shouldn't we?" The other boy nodded, closing the door on his way to sit down. He cleared his throat and stretching - he was obviously stalling.  
  
"Trowa, I'd like to start off by asking you if you love me." The question, as stupid as it sounded, weighed heavily on the uni-banged teenager. His boyfriend sounded so serious and so innocent. He sighed and closed his eyes before answering.  
  
"Quatre, if I didn't love you, then why would I let you stay in my room at night? Why would I make you breakfast randomly, or cook for you when your sick? Think of all the little kisses, all the nicknames, all the times I've gotten you out of problems. Think about it." That left the room silent. The only thing that could be heard was Wufei and Duo arguing and peices of his model fly across the room downstairs. 'He loves me, that I'm sure of. He sure does speak a lot when it comes to matters of the heart, doesn't he? Oh well, he comes the realy question...'  
  
"With that answered, now I have the bigger question. If I were to falter, er, become unsure about my feelings towards you because of recent events," He took a deep breath and looked up towards his lover, "Would you leave me or wait for me to sort things out?"  
  
"Why would you ask such a thing, Quat'?" His green eyes flickered. Upon noticing, the blonde bowed his head and took another breath before wiping his face dry and looking up again.  
  
"I'm having ... doubts. I'm sorry, I, I'm really sorry, I just, it's just that-" He was cut off by a long finger across his lips.  
  
"Amor, relax. I will wait for you as long as it takes," He flashed one of his rare smiles and kissed the Arabian softly. He then pulled him back so that Quatre was laying in between Trowa's legs and in his arms. After only a few minutes of sitting in that position, the smaller boy fell asleep with a smile on his face, knowing he was loved. The other boy, however, was wide awake, his mind reeling. 'Why is he doing this to me? We were so happy a few weeks ago ... so happy? What's gone wrong? Such a sweet boy doesn't deserve such foul thoughts.'   
  
Careful not to wake the sleeping body in his arms, Trowa slipped out from under neath him. He layed him down and carefully covered Quatre up, then inched out the door and quietly closed it. He hoped down the stairs, heading straight for the kitchen, where he knew the one person who always had knowledge of the happenings of the household - Heero.  
  
Turning the corner, he caught a clear view of a lap top and peices of hair sticking up behind it. The sound of a claking keyboard and mumblings of incomprehensible Japanese could be heard, not to mention a giggle or two from the stoic pilot's boyfriend every once in a while. Trowa cleared his throat in an attempt to get Heero's attention. No response. He tried again, only this time louder and clearer. No response. The third time he took a more reasonable approach.  
  
"Heero?" The clacking stopped and he heard another giggle. The headless soulders shrugged and took up their slight shaking again as the clacking begain once more.   
  
"Heero!" The clacking stopped. Two clicks were heard, and the laptop closed.  
  
"Hn?"  
  
"Um, have you heard anything from. Wait a second - Duo get out of here." A 'God damnit!' was heard and the boy clad in black took his time slinking out of the room like a witch's cat who'd just been hit with a broom. "Let's try that again. Have you heard anything. Wait! Duo, you need to learn not to listen at doors. I'm a frickin Gundam Pilot for christ sakes.' Another 'damnit!' was hear and the stomping sound of high-heeled boots whos owner was goose-stepping up stairs could be heard. Heero turned his attention from the door way back to Trowa and nodded his head. "Right, as I've been trying to say. Have you heard anything from quatre about relationship problems?" The Japanese boy sighed.  
  
"Nothing from Quatre, however, Wufei seems to have a bit of a crushon your little blonde Arabian if that helps any." Trowa nodded and placed a stone-cold look upon his face like a normal person would a tee-shirt - smooth and with no trouble at all.  
  
"Oh it helps all right. It helps a lot." At that, the Latin boy spun around a marched up to the room at the end of the hallway. 'Well, well well wufei. Let's see what you have to say...'  
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[1] Imagine Duo putting together a little Deathscythe. That's how *I* pictured it.....  
[2] A great book, by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. It made me cry. I could say nothing by 'wow' for five minutes after finishing it. I suggest you read it...  
[3] Er ... eye*brow*. You can only see one ^_^  
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Yeah, it took me a while, I'm sorry. I'be been uber busy. Summers coming up, so the next chapter will be up sooner. But I'd like to thank:: Relwarc (I think...), Mara Jade, Change Meiling, Lacey-Koi (can't for get you, huh?), Lady Nataku (someone new! someone new!) and Tarnished Oversould (who *still* hasn't I don't think. Oh well...) Thanks again. And since I've time to advertise ... check out kuroshirogurei.tripod.com/kuroshiro_gurei a great site *cough* ...heh... I'm extremely sorry for the bad spelling and all that - I'm tired as hell and I jsut want to get this up. So ... until next time ... remember - Moo cows are chocolaty! *runs away with chocolate milk in hand, iggling loudly. muse drags behind mumbling to himself about how *he* never gets anything 'fun to drink') 


	11. Chapter Ten Regression, Depression, and ...

Sorry, sorry SORRY! For not updating sooner! Try balancing a relationship, having friends, studying for finals, excercizing so you don't puff up too big AND helping your brother pack! There was no room for my life AND for this. Sorry - breathing and eating and studying comes before writing, it's the harsh truth. BUT, as a side note - I always put my storyies and fanfics on my *website* before I put them on here, sooooo, if you want an early glance, check there first! The URL is on my profile but ( kuroshirogurei.tripod.com/kuroshiro_gurei) it's here now, too ^_^. If you sign my guestbook while you're there ... maybe I'll put you in a ficlet, or write one for you!  
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Regression, Depression, and Overreaction, Oh My!  
  
Trowa pounded on the door. He kicked it and rattled the door knob until he though it would break, but Wufei didn't say a word to him. After about fifteen minutes of pounding, rattling, and yelling threats, he realized that door was, in fact, unlocked, and he decided to open it. Inside, he found that the Chinese pilot was nowhere to be found. Upon searching, all Trowa had managed to figure out was that Wufei had left the house for a little while, because his shoes were gone and he was nowhere to be found. The angry, uni-banged boy paced around the room a few times, pounding on the walls.  
  
"Where *is* that boy! Where IS he?" He'd yell that every time he punched the wall, and then go right back to pacing.   
Down the hall, another boy was wondering where someone was. Quatre had awoken after the first pound on the wall that caused the house to shake. He had sat straight up on the floor, rubbing his head. The initial shake had scared him *so* much that he rolled out of bed, landing on his head, eyes blinking wildly. Standing up, he walked out of the room, careful to shut the door, and tip-toed in the direction of the pounding and screaming. It was Wufei's room. 'Oh God, what's wrong with him now?' Slowly, he opened the door, and saw Trowa, his fist stuck in the wall and a wild look in his eyes.   
  
"Um, Tro ..... wa? Where's Wufei?" He asked the question slowly, backing up with each word.  
  
"Why do you want to know, hm, love?" His eye was twitching.  
  
"Trowa? Trowa, is that you? What is *wrong* with you, huh?" Quatre's eyes softened and he looked up at the taller boy. Confidently, he reached his hand up to massage his face - calm him down. Maybe *too* confidently, as the hand was quickly smacked away.  
  
"The QUESTION is, my dearest love, what is wrong with YOU?" He began to walk, or rather *stalk*, towards the blonde, "You like him, DON'T you? You're just INFATUATED I bet!" Trowa jumped on the other boy, who's eyes were wide. He was frozen in fear.   
  
"What ... what are you talking about?" He stammered his way through the sentence. 'Trowa, love, why?' The uni-banged boy chuckled in a strange, high-pitched and ultimately scary tone.  
  
"You know DAMN well what I'm 'talking about'!" He pressed his love into the floor, who moaned in pain. "You flirt with him, and then cry once you know what you've done wrong. Don't think I didn't notice that you'd been crying earlier! Don't EVEN act like you're surprised, and wipe that ABSURD look off your face!" He smacked Quatre's mouth harshly - and all the Arabian did was blink and take in the abuse.   
  
"Trowa," He whispered, "Please don't doubt me. Please..." He looked into the others vibrant green eyes - now filled with contempt. Sadly, contempt directed towards his best friend. but also towards his lover.  
  
"Don't doubt YOU!" He pulled Quatre to his feet, and slammed him against the wall. He continued slamming him as he spoke, "You flaming hypocrite! YOU are the one with doubts, I am the one with the TRUTH!" Silence ensued, filled only by Trowa's sudden sobbing and Quatre's gasping to catch his breath.  
  
"Trowa ... are ... are you ok?" He glanced down at his lover, who was down on his knees, breathing heavily, the light grey under him slowly becoming a darker shade, staining from his tears. Despite all of his gasping, he gave no answer. "Are you ok?" Slowly, he lifted his head, keeping his eyes down, and shook his head for a definite 'no'. Just as slowly as he had lifted his head, he stood up, making himself Quatre's height. He leaned against the wall using one arm, which he placed right above his boyfriend's shoulder.  
"Quatre, a long time ago, when I was working as a rebel with a group of mercenaries who first found me, I met a girl named Middie. I really connected with her in the little while that I knew her - before I came to space. But you know what?" The other boy snapped his head up from where he was staring at the carpet.  
  
"Hm?" He was *very* confused.  
  
"She *betrayed* me. She had to spy for the Alliance to feed her family - she sold me and the rest of us out to the Alliance. I had to kill all of my company to save myself. And I had no problem doing it, either, because I am a soldier. A soldier since the day I was born. I almost killed Middie, too, because I thought I'd found someone who was like me," He paused to cock his gun. Despite the *click* noise it made, Quatre was in too much shock a dismay to realize what was going on, "And now this ..." He lowered his voice to a whisper, "So I'm not letting *this* one go." And he shot Quatre in the heart.  
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PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! I have a little brother and significant other to support! PLEASE! Besides - this is an arch (I've got 4 more stories to go, BTW) and I've got, at the most FIVE more chapters to go on this! Just because I'm Lucifer (lol!), doesn't mean I don't have a soft spot! Besides - I love Quatre, he and I are good buddies, Right Kit-Quat? *Quatre from backround* That's right, Lizzy! (He's the only one that gets away with that, you know!). He's here for a special reason, and if Lacey tells Heero who tells Zechs, who lets it slip to Treize who accidentally tells Duo who tells EVERYONE ELSE what Quatre's helping me with ... I'll have to! I'll just have to ... uh, reprimand her sharply, heh. Oh yeah, I've got to give out thank yous! You know, I only got THREE, count 'em 1, 2, 3 reviews this time! So, THANKS Kasara! Keeps reading! Please! Chang Meiling - ah, one of my FAVORITE people! I think you've followed this fic from the beginning. Here at MStar incorporated, we all LOVE YOU! And, last but not least, Lacey-koi. Lacey, Lacey, Lacey. Nice Review!!! ^_^ Wonder who got 3 Libras stuck in your head .... I am not extremely hyper because of your review. (Those who haven't read hers, should. I think that the penguins have gotten the rest of her sanity....) ooooh, and, for those that care. Read my profile - I've got special, nice, pretty info in there! It involves *secret info* for the next story. Yay! So, until next time, keep reading, eat your vegetables, don't do drugs, and always shave your kneecaps on the full moon at midnight! *passes out from utter tiredness* 


	12. Chapter Eleven There's A Time In Our Liv...

There's a Time In Our Lives… [1]  
  
Aquamarine orbs shot open. The head that they were held by felt as though it was spinning like roulette wheel. The eyes looked down first, and saw the needle in its arm. They then shot to the right and saw a familiar face, this one with green eyes. The green could clearly be described as 'Very Verde' if one wanted to be humorous and 'Emeralds in the Trees' if one wished to be poetic. This particular owner of the light blue eyes wished not to describe them. 'Too beautiful for words other than from the heart,' he thought. The eyes watched as their arm slowly lifted and put its hand over the other person's.  
  
"Trowa, I-"  
  
"No, Quatre, shush," He ran his hands through the light, golden hair of the smaller boy, "I know that you're about to apologize, and really, don't even start that. *I'm* sorry. I could have killed ...... you, and I just," He cut himself off. He was crying too hard, thinking of what he'd almost done to the one he loved. Reaching into his back pocket, he once again pulled out the gun he had shot Quatre with just two days ago. He was obviously still in tremendous pain. "Quatre do you see this? This is what I almost killed you with. I missed your heart be an inch. An inch! It may not have hurt your heart - but it blew mine away." He touched the place where his heart was and let a few more tears fall.  
  
"Trowa? Love, what are you getting at?" This is exactly how he was talking before he shot him .... and he *never* wanted to get shot again. At least not by his lover...  
  
"You can't live without your heart, Quatre, so I guess I'll have to die."   
  
"NO!" As Quatre struggled to get out of the hospital bed, but only succeeded in knocking over everything, Trowa slowly raised the gun to his temple, mouthed 'I love you' and pulled the trigger.  
  
~~~*~~~  
  
Aquamarine orbs shot open. The head that they were held by felt as though it was spinning like roulette wheel. The eyes looked down first, and saw the needle in its arm. Then the mouth opened.  
  
"WHERE IS TROWA!" He sat up immediately, tears streaming down his face. When no one came to tell him precisely where Trowa was, he yelled twice as loud, "I am QUATRE REBERBA WINNER and if I don't get an answer I will - " Someone had their hand over his mouth. Someone with long, white fingers had their hand over his mouth. Someone with a deep voice was whispering "Shh, you want to get your mouth taped shut" into his ear. Someone with black, high-heeled boots, a long braid, and amethyst eyes was sitting next to him with a frown on his face.  
  
"Kit-Quat , first off, CALM DOWN! If you weren't so weak right now, I'd have slapped you to get you to shut up er something!" He looked over at Quatre - eyes wide, mouth shut. 'Jesus friggin Christ!' "Now then, sorry 'bout that, Quat!" He flashed a grin that reeked of cheese, "Why do you need Tro' so badly?"  
  
"I had a dream that Trowa was sitting on my bed. He apologized to me, then said that when he shot me, it hurt *his* heart more than it hurt mine. He then said that since he 'blew his heart away' and you can't live with a heart, he couldn't live and then he shot himself and ..." Quatre leaned back and sighed.  
  
"Oh," He paused, not quite sure what to say, "Well, if it helps, Trowa is perfectly fine, in the waiting room with the others. We've been waiting for you to come to. They had to operate to see if he hit your heart but he managed to just miss everything but some veins and shit so when we heard I leaned over and whispered something dirty to Heero and he snickered and told Wufe-"  
  
"Duo! Um, could you go get Trowa for me please?" He stopped talking, smiled, and began to walk out, his braid swinging out behind him. Again Quatre sighed and closed his eyes. "Damn him." Of course, he couldn't help but smile.   
  
Duo walked, rather quickly, back to the waiting room, the smile that he had had on his face was completely gone. 'That boy has some demon eating him from the inside out. Have he and Trowa been having problems? Heero said something about 'Fei that one night, but, Quatre wouldn't cheat, would he?'  
  
"Hey, Koibito, what's wrong?" Duo's head snapped up, and he quickly placed a smile on his face.  
  
"Heero, baby, ain't nothin' wrong with me!" He teased his Japanese lover, "I just finished shutting the Bawling Blonde up," He paused to block the shoe that Trowa flung at his head. Quickly, he shot Trowa a 'Ha ha, I'm triumphant and you're not!' look and resumed talking. "He wants to talk to you, Tro, but watch out. He's still kinda 'iffy' and he might bite." Trowa, after chucking his other shoe in the Purple-Eyed-Wonder's[2] direction and retrieving both, started his long yet short journey down the length of the hallway. 'Last room on the left,' he kept repeating to himself, 'Last room on the left...' and for the first time, in a very long time, he was afraid. He'd heard the screams, the frantic cries, from his boyfriend and yet he kept walking. He was sure and assured of what he was doing and what he must do - and he wished he'd have shot himself instead of Quatre to keep from being in the situation he was in.[3] Abruptly, he stopped whispering to himself and realized that he'd only been stalling and that he'd been out side Quatre's door for a couple minutes just staring at the wood patterns. He took a deep breath and knocked once before opening the door.   
  
"Quatre? Amore? You awake?" Quatre, of course, was clearly awake - it was bluntly obvious, what with his eyes wide open and shining almost silver in the hospital's florescent light. It was time to save time, and the more words exchanged, the better.   
  
"Sure am!" The blue-shining-silver eyes washed over Trowa like a sort of small waterfall that left him feeling dirty instead of refreshed.   
  
"Um ... well, at least you're alive and I feel the need to apologize because I almost killed you and-" His words were suddenly blocked out by a pressure on his lips - soft at first then gradually harder and deeper. Probing, with a sense of longing and wanting that slowly and just as softly as it had begun pulsated out to nothingness. Quatre had begun and ended the kiss, and Trowa had went along with the flow of things until they faded out. In his mind, he wanted the kiss to move along with its innocent rhythm for eternity, but in his heart he knew that it had to end for his sanity's sake. It was all getting closer and closer to dragged-out chaos. 'Here starts the beginning of the rest of my life..' He began by placing his hand over his 'Little one's.'  
  
"Little One, I love you with all my heart," The tears began and Trowa knew they wouldn't end any time soon. He paused to regain some of his breath and with all the poise, confidence, and patience of a pianist learning a new and ultimately depressing song, so Trowa finished what he meant to say and sealed his fate.-  
  
"But all good things must come to and end. A rose blooms and dies, love, a baby grows up, learns of life and it's secrets, and passes on to whatever comes next. Love is exactly the same way, and lately I've come to find that I'm not worth the time, nor patience, nor company of a God. So, dear God of All Tings Beautiful and Wondrous, I bid thee adieu. Maybe one day I'll write you a letter, or email you, but don't plan on hearing my voice any time soon."  
  
Quatre was stunned. Too stunned, in fact, to stop love as it out the door with all the poise, confidence, and patience of a pianist learning a new and ultimately depressing song. It took a few minutes for it to sink in that he would most likely never lay eyes on his first and only love. The amount of time that it had taken for the realization to sink in to his heart and soul was equal to the amount of time it took for Quatre to reach into the small [burgundy] velvet pouch that he had carried with him everywhere (for the past two months) that had been returned to him sometime after the operation. He opened it up with the silver woven thread that kept it closed and pulled out the two tiny objects inside. It was then, as if on cue, that the painful words that his heart could not speak began to form in his eyes and created tiny river down his cheeks. He clutched the two things in his hand, the two most important things to him that he cherished more than the Maganacs even the other pilots. It is understandable, of course, that vows of eternal love and engagement rings are to be sacred.   
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[1]: No comment from anyone. I friggin realize how hypocritical of me that title is…  
  
[2]: Purple Eyed Wonder - This reference to Duo is soooo mine. I *never* want to see it used again *wink* If you *must* use it, tell 'em where you got it *peace sign chibi thing*  
  
[3]: I re -read that, and realized just *how* angst I can be when something goes ahead and depressed me. All I'll say is that you shouldn't expect the rest of this fic (and a lot of the arch) to be too happy from now on. But hey! It's nothing *I* can't handle ^_~! So don't worry!  
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Okay, time for thank-yous! Chang-Meiling: Talk about someone who hasn't failed to review a chapter! Heh, thanks again (glad to heard ya still like the nickname!). And disregard the kneecaps thing - I had about three cups of coffee, heh…/ Nimue Yuy: Yeah, I know mean. Heh, I hope I set everything back (before, of course, adding yet another twist). But that's me for ya./ Lacey-koi: Lacey (and, ahem, Duo). Thanks guys! I know I rock! Heh, I just hope you don't rope in Quatre with this review, I have the feeling he'll have a bone (or two or three…) to pick with me.  
  
Hope you liked this past chapter. Not that I like to brag (but I do), but this fic has been better written with each chapter, if you take the time to actually read samples from each chapter. I've got approximately three chapters left and I guess I'd like you all to know that It's been extremely fun writing this, and although I've still got four more fics to write for this *insert groan* I'll remember this one best because it's the first one I'd ever written and posted. Eh, I'll quite the mushy stuff and get to bed. But, once again, thanks everybody. 


	13. Humanity is Ephemeral Immortality is Fo...

I'm crying. God damn it, I haven't cried in months, much less over a *very* un original piece of ... fanfiction. Not drivel, fanfiction. Whatever. Anyway, for those that haven't slipped off to the chapter while I wasn't looking *glares*, I'm crying because I'm listening to "Creep" by Radiohead, I'm nervous because of how pathetically sad I am at the loss of one I love. But most of all - It's over ... it's all over. This part of the arch is over! I started this *last year*, and it means something to me (and, DAMN, I hate when that happens). So review, for Christ sake, review. I'm sorry to say that I'm taking a wiiide turn with this fic ... it might not be what you expect. Needless to say, you might not like it. But that's not what this is about, this is about the end. So, I think I'll propose a toast *raises glass of chocolate milk* To endings ... because in the end, what was once beautiful was always dead and was inevitably done before it started on paper in the pen. thank you.  
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Humanity is Ephemeral; Immortality is Forever  
  
Ai shiteru. Duo-chan, ai shiteru. Duo-chan, anata o ai shiteru matamata. He'd heard them all a million times! I love you, I love you - Little Duo, I will love you again and again ( as though his love would last through the ages). But now, just recently, he'd wanted to whisper those words into the dark, hoping that they'd be caught by the person lying, shamelessly, next to him. Not to Duo, of course, but it might as well have been - Quatre wasn't claimed to be his either - they were on the same dreaded level ... friendship. No one was *truly* his - not even Meiran. Not even his wife, though together in spirit, they were never one in body. Truly.  
  
So now he packed his bags. Pants, shirts, his glass rose, some personal items, katana on top. He slipped his shoes on, grabbed his plane tickets and money, and placed a letter on his neatly made bed. He left it to explain himself, to drop a few hints, and to possibly redeem himself for the uproar that he had caused at Quatre's expense.   
  
Throwing the bag on his shoulder, he glanced at the glowing alarm clock that, just two weeks ago, had told him at three thirty-six in the morning to get a grip. He stepped lightly to the doorway and turned around to look back once more. He let his eyes feast upon the room in which he'd lived for the past year and a half. Gazing first at the closet that Duo had hidden in - where he and Quatre almost kissed. Disappointment. Conscience. He let his thoughts linger as his eyes traveled on, towards the spot where he'd fallen at the fault of Meiran. Hurt. Immediate Understanding. And, for what he meant to be the last time, he turned and quietly made his way to the front door to wait outside for his taxi to the airport.   
  
"It's 2:29 am, do you know where *your* friend is?" Continues to walk.   
  
"Do you? huh, Wufei?" Keeps turning door knob. Ignores light in face. Turns head.   
  
"On the couch, middle cushion, legs crossed, braid around shoulders." Opens door.  
  
"Are you sure you're doing the honorable thing? I know that there's at least *one* blonde haired, sweet, kind, and heartbroken person that needs you here. To lean on." Takes one step out. stops. Turns. Sighs.  
  
"Yes. No. Yes..." Closes door. Walks to taxi. Opens door. Sits down with bag. Closes door. "To the airport, please. Just to the airport."  
  
~~~*~~~  
  
With Quatre home from the hospital, everything seemed so much more cheery. And he'd only been home five minutes. The first thing he asked was where Wufei was, and Heero promptly told him that he was 'still sleeping in his room'. So Quatre, cheery as ever, walked upstairs and down the hall. Or rather, he walked to Trowa's room first, and then down the hall. After five minutes of contemplating as to whether or not to knock, he settled on barging in quietly - using the 'I'm not making a scene' move.   
  
"Hello?" He let the word float into the room on a storm cloud and rain over the contents of the once-occupied room. All that was left of the uni-banged pilot's existence was the bed (although stripped of sheets, pillows, and blankets), an old picture frame, and the curtains. Stepping lightly so not to disturb the memories, Quatre walked in and sat down on the naked bed, falling backward slowly and closing his eyes. He remembered very clearly the last time he laid in Trowa's arms, safe in the comfort and warmth of their strength. How they had kissed, softly. How he had been happy ... they had been happy. Or so he thought.   
  
"Wufei..." Suddenly he shot up, remembering his original destination. 'There's no use in being sad,' He closed the door to Trowa's ex-room, 'When there are things to be settled.' He walked briskly down the hall and, when he reached Wufei's door, took a deep breath. 'Remember, he's not to feel responsible - I'm at fault. Me.'  
  
"Wufei?" Knock. Knock. No answer. "Wufei? Are you there?" Loud knock. No answer. Silence.   
  
"I haven't heard from him since last night." Quatre spun around to see Heero standing at the end of the hallway. "Last night at dinner. And he didn't eat as much as he usually does." Seeing fit that there was closure, Heero went back down the stairs and was silent. 'Well then, I guess I should go in and see what's wrong with him...' He pushed open the door slowly, so as to not wake Wufei, but found out immediately that that precaution wasn't needed. Wufei was nowhere in sight. The bed was made, the room was clean, and sitting, in plain view in his black pillowcase, was a single sheet of paper. Quatre walked right on over to it and, as hard as it was, proceeded to read it.  
  
  
To Heero, Duo, Trowa (if he's returned) and Quatre,  
  
I have caused a lot of pain and uproar in the house over the past few months, I know. And I apologize. Sometimes ... sometimes it's better to let your emotions show through your mask. That is exactly what they told us not to think - to forget our emotions. Maybe that's how I should have lived in the first place. But I was just so attracted to Quatre ... and it wasn't his huge eyes, or his blonde hair or any of the usual things, it was his innocence. I've never met anyone so innocent in my entire life. and I just wanted to touch his immaculate soul and smear some grease on it the way you want to rip candy out of a baby's hands.  
  
Don't. Don't hate me. I love you all, and I find it all too much for me to bear now that Trowa has tried to kill Quatre and because of me. If he'd died, I don't know what I would have done - I think I would have died myself. A good friend would have died, all the mourning ... there's too much blood on my hands as it is. I'm not over Meiran yet, let alone Treize ... but Quatre just would have been the last straw.  
  
But, anyway, I'm gone. I'm outta here. I refuse to tell you where, but don't worry, I'll be back. In the meantime, don't sell what I've left here in the house, and don't come looking for me. You won't find me. I'm leaving my journal to Quatre, and all my books to Trowa (whenever he shows up again) and my bank account to Heero (because I know he won't spend any of the money). I'll keep in touch with all of you, don't worry.  
  
I heard a song once, a very old song, from the 90's. It was on an anime, the last episode. anyway, there was this one line that said something like "Everything is clearer now..." I can see so much clearer now ... I see why people fall in love, and why they stray in groups. Why teenagers take hard drugs, and why their mother's freak out when they come home stoned. I see why I killed that bastard Treize, whom I both loathed and admired. I see why Heero tolerates Duo, and where that glass rose that Quatre found came from. And maybe one day you'll be able to see why I have to leave and start over from scratch. You know, that song made me cry ... and it made me see with blind eyes - we all have to do things for our benefit, even though they hurt us, they help us, and they make us interesting. I knew a girl once who cut her arms to see the blood so that she'd feel human - she was in love with a poet who would wake her up late at night to read her poetry from below her window in the cold. He lied the rain. She'd only smoke cherry-flavored cigarettes and purposely broke up with the perfect man of hers to feel the pain of loss. and then regretted it. she was both the most romantic and human person I'd ever met. Do you see what I mean?  
  
I'm just ranting, and I need to leave. I'll miss you all, and I've got a mission for you. I looked up the song "Blue" by The Seatbelts ... from the old anime "Cowboy Bebop" and put it on this disc. Listen to it and think of me, won't you?  
  
-Wufei  
  
  
Quatre solemnly popped the CD into Wufei's CD player with the air of someone who'd just been socked in the stomach and listened. The song didn't get past the beginning choral part before he began to sob into his hands, coating them with his 'immaculate' tears. He didn't sob at the beauty of the choir, or at the loss of a friend - he sobbed at the mistake his friend had made. It was so purely human, just as the mistakes he, himself, had committed.   
____________________________________________________________________________  
That is my message - yes, it had one. We all make mistakes - big, fat, ugly, permanent ones. Those are what make us mortal, and human. And in the end, we're all human, aren't we? 


End file.
